It was approaching midnight, and I was getting ready to start my paper, when I decided a walk might be better for my sanity. I strolled out from my dorm into the brisk October evening. The breeze fluttered through the evening air, chilling my exposed legs and arms. I crossed the street and crossed swiftly between Tucker and Tyler halls, passing into the heart of the Old Campus at William and Mary. As I stepped towards the sunken gardens, a massive light appeared. I thought it was radioactive glow from the Crim Dell, but suddenly realized that it was racing towards me. I lost my footing and was swept away on a current of light. My life flashed before my eyes, in rewind, and suddenly I watched the path of human history racing backwards. Fascists released Paris, Germany disunited, knights un-seized fortresses, the Normans withdrew, backwards, from England, Rome grew again from her ruins, Caesar uncrossed the Rubicon, and I awoke, in a daze, lying in ancient Athens.
Of course, just because I was in Ancient Greece didnít mean I was clothed appropriately. Unmarked t-shirt, denim shorts and sandals from 2001 do not an authentic costume make. I heard a voice say "caire, xene" I heard a voice say. I shook my head briefly to clear the cobwebs of memory, and I realized that I did, in fact, understand the salutation. I stood, and greeted the man appropriately, introducing myself as "Erikos," being unsure of any other manner by which to generate a Greek word from my name. We walked and talked for a while, and he told me about the eraís politics. Many people feared a monarchist uprising, though those fears did seem relatively unfounded.
The stranger who had approached me turned out to be Socrates; he invited me to attend dinner with a friend of his, though I was not invited by that individual. The ancient sources are right. Socrates is ugly. We reached the house of Aristophanes, and entered the party; young men of my age were allowed to partake of alcohol in Athens at that time. Being entirely unaccustomed to alcohol, however, has its disadvantages, and I was unable to remain coherent after a few glasses of wine.
Soon I was the object of advances from several of those present at the party. Not the least of these were Socrates and Aristophanes. Each was offering me trinkets and gifts, which I accepted, not realizing what this implied about my intents for the remainder of the evening, or even the duration of my stay in Athens. Most of the remainder of the evening passed pleasantly, conversing with some of the greatest minds of Athens, and possibly all time. As drunk as I may have been, the evening passed with great merriment. As the moon crossed through the zenith of its nocturnal passing, Socrates and Aristophanes began making passes at me. To say the least I was a bit uncomfortable, but in the end decided that, being in Greece, I should do as the Greeks did. I spent the rest of the evening as the beloved of those two, and fell asleep clutching the presents they had given me.
I awoke the next evening, and the gifts were still in my hands. It was about fifteen minutes before I had stepped out of the dorm what felt to be the preceding day. Upon examining my watch, however, and the date listed at MSN.com, I was able to discern exactly what had happened. I came back just before I left. I realized that my adventures corresponded exactly with what I had been supposed to write about. Some people have inspiration strike; I was lucky enough to have the entire paper strike at once. I immediately set about writing the paper that was due. The professor lauded my originality and accuracy, and gave me a particularly high score for the assignment.
Days passed, and I realized that the artifacts had been preserved miraculously well. I looked carefully at them, and decided that I would donate the pieces to a museum. That, Mr. Curator, is why I am here, and how I came about these rare Athenian relics, so well preserved.